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For the New Visitor: These are the Great-Books quotes that each student learned by heart during fall term 2004. Students have included commentaries on the quotes that they chose.

From: Creed, Evan T
Sent: Mon 12/20/2004 9:04 AM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: RE: 24. Fall Term Talismans

[My talismans: phrases and quotes that said something to me and will continue to do so. In looking over these, I think that it's really cool that I can recite them. Already through the semester I've noticed that experiences in my life have reminded me of some of my talismans, and that gives them that much more meaning for me. What a cool thing.]

Reflections of an Immature Man.

The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one. (JD Salinger, Catcher in the Rye)

Granted, this is kind of cheating. This is a talisman that I had before the class…but I feel it’s important to include in this discussion. I definitely still have a considerable amount of immature man in me by these standards. It’s not that I really want to die (phew), but I tend to romanticize the idea of dying nobly for a cause. I can’t help but think of myself being part of Les Amis de la ABC on a barricade in the streets of Paris. I think of the statement that Thich Quang Duc, the Vietnamese Buddhist monk who lit himself on fire in protest of institutionalized repression (or, alternatively, the guy on the cover of Rage Against the Machine’s self-titled first album), made in his sacrifice. I find myself, almost in spite of my reason and efforts not to, greatly revering what these people have done. Yet, I must heed the advice given in this quote, because I know that it is right. Whether or not it is less romantic, living humbly for a cause is the more mature way to better the world. I just need to keep this quote in mind to stop myself from doing anything too stupid until I reach this level of maturity.

I would love to kiss you.
The price of kissing is your life.
Now my loving is running towards my life shouting,
What a bargain, let's buy it.
(Rumi)

While just a small portion of the whole poem, these four lines are what really stood out for me. It just seemed to me to be such an obvious statement, but one that we all too often forget. "What a bargain, let's buy it." What is our life worth if not for love? I know that for me, it wouldn't be worth too much at all. It is love that keeps me wanting to live my life; it is the loving that I like about my life. Love of knowledge, love of other people, love of music, these things are what keep me going in my life. I think that all of us would agree that it would be must more desirable to live a short and love-filled life rather than to live a hundred years in an existence completely devoid of love. So what this says to me is not that we should just recklessly risk our life for anything that appeals to us, we must keep perspective of just how valuable love is in our life. If we get love off of anything cheaper than our life, we really need to realize that we're getting more than a bargain. What a lucky bunch we all are!

Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get from the past, the more concrete and plausible it seems - but as you approach the present, it inevitably seems more and more incredible. Suppose yourself in a large cinema, sitting at first in the back row, and gradually moving up, row by row, until your nose is almost pressed against the screen. Gradually the stars' faces dissolve into dancing grain; tiny details assume grotesque proportions; the illusion dissolves - or rather, it becomes clear that the illusion itself is reality. (Rushdie, Midnight's Children)

Obviously, I really liked this quote to include it as a talisman. In my life, whenever I get worked up over something, people tell me that I'm not looking at the big picture. This quote helps me to articulate my problem with this. It is a dangerous thing to always be looking at the big picture, to remain content in the back row of the cinema believing that the moving images in front of us are reality. In our lives we must take our passions and curiosity and run wild with them. When we feel called to do so, it is necessary to rush up to the screen and see what is really and truly there. Otherwise, while we may have perspective and a view of the big picture, all we really will be seeing is a whole lot of superficiality. In my opinion, while having perspective is valuable, it is much better to have a deep and intimate understanding of one thing than to have a slightly wider view of superficial knowledge. The idea of applying this view to relationships with people also intrigues me. I think that may be what a romantic and intimate relationship entails. It is exploring a calling to deeply know another as much as we can, to see the reality beyond their illusion.

It is good that you are presently entering a profession that will make you independent and set you entirely on your own in every sense. Wait patiently to find our whether your inner life feels cramped by the form of this profession. I consider it very difficult and very exacting, as it is burdened with great conventions and scarcely leaves room for a personal conception of its problems. But your solitude will be a hold and home for you even amid very unfamiliar conditions and from there you will find all your ways. (Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet, pg 40, Norton Edition)

This is one of those talismans that I think I chose strictly for my own benefit. I hope to internalize not only this quote, but also the idea which it represents. Right now I see myself as full of idealism in terms of the possible directions I may take my life. This is something that I don’t want to lose entirely when I’m forced to enter the “real world.” I want to be aware if I am doing what I am pressured from external forces to do or if I am truly doing what I want. I’m sure we all know somebody working in a career that they don’t like and aren’t happy with. In high school I knew damn well that I didn’t want to be a fast-food worker and knew that I wasn’t contributing to anything that I felt passionately about…yet I did it. At the time I felt that this was just one of those things I had to do at the time. In the five years after I graduate, my current plan includes many different experiences that I will need to reflect upon to discern my true calling. I will most likely be abroad working for a service group such as the Peace Corps for two years after graduation and after that I will be a graduate student and able to teach undergraduate classes. These are the two directions that I believe my live may include in terms of my career—service and teaching. As I am trying out these experiences, I must be aware to reflect on what my inner-voice is telling me about my life at the time. The following quote is also something I feel I must be sure to keep in mind for my own good:

“Aureliano could not move. Not because he was paralyzed by horror but because at that prodigious instant Melquםades’ final keys were revealed to him and he saw the epigraph of the parchments perfectly placed in the order of man’s time and space: The first of the line is tied to a tree and the last is being eaten by the ants.” (Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude, 445-446)

I’ll grant it, that this is an obvious choice. However, I still think that it’s among the most valuable of ones that I could choose, so I will keep it. This quote has some added meaning to me. I have made a connection in my mind, for some reason or another, between this quote and the ideal of בנבטויב which Fr. Mark brought up in class. That idea had been resonating in my mind ever since it was brought up, and I still haven’t been able to figure out at all if I agree or disagree with it. I think part of this inner debate parallels my dilemma with dying nobly and living humbly for a cause. Being young, there’s a part of me that wants to go out and change the world in one grand swoop with complete disregard for everything else. I want to think that that’s possible. However, it’s most likely the case that that is completely impossible. This quote keys me into a sense of inevitability in the order of the world. To help me realize that everything is as it is and I need to be largely accepting of that fact. This next quote, though from an unlikely source, may help me to gladly come to accept that:

“She wept with love for this man who might never, never have come to her, never have found her from so far away. She wept because she was so afraid it might so nearly never have happened.” (Gordimer, Some Are Born to Sweet Delight, 79, Penguin)

Yes, that’s right. I’m using a quote from Nadine Gordimer as a reaffirmation of love between two people. Take that, Nadine. Anyway, this reminds me of how much it seems like life can completely come together to make a person happy. This helps me to believe in an order to what seems completely like chaos, that things may actually be part of a plan. It makes me think just how unlikely some of the things that have come into my life are and how beautiful that is. To be part of something so grand in design and for all of us to be playing our own equally immensely important role in everything else is at the same time humbling and reassuringly empowering. Without having this thought in conjunction with the idea of the previous quote regarding the inevitability of everything, I can see how the thought may lead to depression (ahem…Kafka…). So it’s very important to be constantly aware of the beauty we can find in life, even in this initially seeming depressing idea. So yeah, I’m using this Gordimer quote to assert that life is beautiful and full of meaning, love, and purpose. Maybe I’ve somehow become irreversibly optimistic, but this seems like a great thing (and it is also, as I don’t think I’ve shared, is an even more unexpected thing for me. For several years of my life I was clinically depressed and couldn’t seem to shake it. Yet now, here I am finding the happiness in a story of betrayed love, murder, and blinding hate). Well, I think I’m done with this thought now. Be happy, all.

The preceding poem follows the beautiful story of Thomas Merton and how he went from an atheist to one of the most influential monks of the 20^th century. The poem, written for his brother who died during World War II, struck me in the heart. I wept after reading it. The brother was an atheist also, until he sought out the guidance of Merton. The relationship formed between the brothers flowered only towards the end of Merton’s brother’s life. Unfortunately, once the relationship flowered, it was cut short by war. The poem addresses the issue of violent conflicts such as war. It is a poem lamenting the loss of a brother, but it also laments the heartlessness of war. It is a poem seeking understanding, but at the same time it is a poem which understands the real important things in life. It is a poem showing how one man would gladly give his life for his brother, but also a poem showing how Christ did the same for us.

“Your words were now firmly implanted in my heart of hearts, and I was besieged by you on every side. Concerning your eternal life I was now quite certain, though I had but glimpsed it like a tantalizing reflection in a mirror; this had been enough to take me from any lingering doubt concerning that imperishable substance from which every other substance derives its being. What I now longed for was not greater certainty about you, but a more steadfast abiding in you. In my daily life everything seemed to be teetering, and my heart needed to be cleansed of the old heaven. I was attracted by the way, which is our Savior himself, but the narrowness of the path daunted me and I still could not walk in it” (145) Confessions St. Augustine

If I could memorize the entire Confessions as a talisman, I would. The passages, symbols, references, illustrations…everything about the book was great. I chose the preceding passage because I felt it is something I could relate to. I felt a connection to what Augustine was saying and to what I am going through in my own life. Augustine discusses his journey to becoming a Catholic and throughout the journey he relates his difficulties and struggles. Assuming the difficulties would release once he found himself in the Church, he instead finds a whole new set of struggles waiting him. Through Augustine, one is able to obtain a real sense of the weakness of our human nature. An understanding of our need for compassion, love, and humility, I feel, are central underlying ideas in the book. I feel the passage is reflective of my life as well. I do understand how firmly my faith is set, but at the same time, “the narrowness of the path” as Augustine says, overwhelms me, discourages me, or simply frightens me. I don’t want to get deep into my own life, but I think the final sentence is may be reflective of many people in many different circumstances. One may have a comfortable understanding of the larger picture, but making the final step, the final commitment may be overwhelming. Maybe it’s the idea of marriage for some people, entering the monastery for others, or anything in life which requires a deeper commitment.

“We have no reason to mistrust our world, for it is not against us. Has it terrors, they are our terrors; has it abysses, those abysses belong to us; are dangers at hand, we must try to love them. And if only we arrange our life according to that principle which counsels us that we must always hold to the difficult, then that which now still seems to us the most alien will become what we most trust and find most faithful. How should we be able to forget those ancient myths that are at the beginning of all peoples, the myths about dragons that at the last moment turn into princesses; perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us” (69) Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

I love the passage. I think it says a lot to on our human natures and at the same time gives us a lot to learn about ourselves. In our world where we attempt to place blame or fear upon other people or situations, the real trouble is within ourselves. We produce the dangers, the terror, the dragons, and the princesses. Understanding what each one is and how they are involved in our life is the problem at hand. How often does our attitude toward the world intimidate or scare others away from us moment to moment. Is that fear in us merely a cry for help? How about our neighbor or the criminal, maybe the problems they’ve created are results of them subconsciously yearning for help.

“Yes, Rieux, it’s a wearying business, being plague-stricken. But it’s still more wearying to refuse to be it. That’s why everybody in the world looks so tired; everyone is more or less sick of plague” (253) Albert Camus, The Plague

The plague is probably one of my favorite books ever. I read it for class a couple years ago, but I didn’t grasp many of the deeper meanings behind it. As I reread it for my final paper, I couldn’t stop thinking, “Wow!” There is a lot of “good stuff” within the text that I feel as if I can compare it to Augustine in the amount of passages I could easily have picked from it.

The quote fits nicely within my theme of breaking the antithesis between plot and deconstruction. Part of reconstruction our own plot is only after self-understanding has taken place. What’s needed is for the mind to let go of trying to take control. Instead of fighting the change, let the change happen. Instead of fighting your plague-stricken body, accept the plague and work with it. Tarrou, who says the quote, is a prime example of how it works. He has been fighting the plague all his life and only once he meets Rieux does he learn to stop fighting the plague from an external sense, but becomes personally involved with it, tries to understand it, and observes the effects it has. One of our addictions is control and power, letting go of it is not easy, but if we can, it’s a big weight off our shoulders.

“And he knew, also, what the old man was thinking as his tears flowed, and he, Rieux, thought it too: that a loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one’s work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart” (261) Albert Camus, The Plague

Here again we feel the desire and longing for companionship. In his solitary work, man becomes destitute for love. Community of the spirit is the driving force behind man and his yearning for love. I chose the quote because I feel a sense of loneliness from it, and I am lonely a lot. Oftentimes I am tired of school work, running, college, that I feel I am fighting and fighting everyone and everything. I simply want to envelope myself in the arms of a friend. Other times it simply takes a good cry to flush the eyes, wound, and sweat of despair from the body and start again refreshed.

At that moment he knew what his mother was thinking, and that she loved him. But he knew, too, that to love someone means relatively little; or, rather, that love is never strong enough to find words befitting it. Thus he and his mother would always love each other silently. And one day she—or he—would die, without ever, all their lives long, having gone farther than this by way of making their affection known” (291) Albert Camus, The Plague

What a fascinating connection there is between the quote and the situation between Cordelia and King Lear. They are completely opposite forms of understanding. I had stated how understanding on both ends is needed for love to be felt. The understanding was absent with King Lear and Cordelia, but here, the understanding is perfect.

At times, I feel this relationship with my mother, though not nearly this extreme. I love her dearly, but I have difficulty expressing it. I don’t know if I’m afraid to or what, but the quote really made me think about my relationship with my mother. She has no trouble expressing her love for me, and maybe that’s why I’m scared. I’m afraid of losing that expression of love from her when one of us dies. I don’t’ know if she understands how much her outward expression means to me, but maybe that’s just it, it is beyond words and that’s why I’m crying now thinking about it.

“People are afraid to find themselves alone, and don’t find themselves at all. I hate all this moral agoraphobia—it’s the worst kind of cowardice. You can’t create something without being alone. But who’s trying to create here? What seems different in yourself: that’s the one thing you possess, the one thing which gives each of us his worth; and that’s just what we try to suppress. We imitate. And we claim to love life” (104) Andre Gide, The Immoralist

There are moments when I am alone in which I feel I am creating something beautiful for only a fleeting second. Most often it happens when I am running out in the woods or open roads of St. John’s while the sun is gently setting against a cloud spotted sky, creating the brightest hues of orange, pink, red, and yellow. I feel alone in the world at times like this, and I enjoy it. Thought I do want to share my experience with everyone, at the same time I want to keep it for myself. This is my moment with myself and with God. Maybe it is a moment of kairos or jouissance!

Finding ourselves alone, or at least being alone, is necessary to finding our self. I expounded on the concept numerous times in the preceding pages, however, as Gide says, “You can’t create something without being alone.” Solitude is necessary; necessary in learning our self so that we may better live in a community. Solitude is not a self-righteous attitude, but humbling attitude by saying, “I need time alone. People wear me out. I need time to collect myself and regain energy.” Just as Camus explains how we get tired and weary of our duty to ourselves and to our friends, so too do we need to collect ourselves so that we may do our duty to others more faithfully.

“Life never gives us what we want at the time we consider appropriate. Adventures do occur, but not punctually” (23) E.M. Forester, A Passage to India

The simplicity of the passage hearkens a light chuckle in my soul. We think we have control and power. We think we can plan our lives and situate things accordingly. However, things happen, and most of the time we have little control over it precisely because they happen when we consider it inappropriate. That reminds me of the famous passage in Isaiah where God says, “Just as high as the mountains are above the seas, so too are my ways above your ways.” Let the adventures take place with in your and also take part in the adventures.

“When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous vermin. He was lying on his back as hard as armor plate, and when he lifted his head a little, he saw his vaulted brown belly, sectioned by arch-shaped ribs, to whose dome the cover, about to slide off completely, could barely cling. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, were waving helplessly before his eyes” (3) Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

What a comical image that leads off an incredible story. I can’t help but imagine what I would do if something similar happened to me (probably when I least expect it!). I’ve seen beetles in similar positions as Gregor, but I cannot imagine being like that. This was the first talisman we had to memorize. The descriptiveness of it makes it fun to recite.

“What makes lovemaking and reading resemble each other most is that within both of them times and spaces open, different from measurable time and space” (156) Italo Calvino, If on a winter’s night a traveler

Within each book are endless possibilities of realms to which they may take you. Whether it’s kairos or jouissance, space and time soon have no meaning and…well, I can’t say I’ve entirely been there! Many of the books we’ve read, and in particular Calvino, lead me astray numerous times throughout the text. I was sent on my own tangent of thought and had to retrace the letters back to the last point of remembrance in the text. That’s part of the beauty of some of these books. They lead you astray and into ideas we never though possible.

“If Cholly had stopped drinking, she would never have forgiven Jesus. She needed Cholly’s sins desperately. The lower he sank, the wilder and more irresponsible he became, the more splendid she and her task became. In the name of Jesus” (42) Toni Morrison, The Bluest Eye

I find so much truth within the passage that it is unsettling. How often do I raise my self-worth by placing myself above the mistakes of others? I’m intrigued with how Toni Morrison has included the spiritual realm of God. It’s as if Cholly’s sins make her believe she is on the same footing as God. It must have been from a sermon at church in which the priest said, “God loves everybody equally; from the homeless, to murderers, to you.” Whenever I get the feeling that I’m superior, morally or socially, I stop and think about the quote and remember that I am no higher than anybody else. “Those who humble themselves shall be made great and those who make themselves great shall be humbled.” The tax collector needed the sins of the poor man so that he could announce his greatness. Dependency upon the sins and misfortune of another is a sad situation to be in, and difficult to get out of without letting the ego take over.

In a moment of loneliness last Spring, I opened the Bible and began reading some psalms. The sweet sounding poetry the words produced and feelings they emitted drew me ever closer to its roots. Since then, it has remained a constant in my life, providing me with comfort in distress, faith when I’m feeling weak, security from my troubles, friendship when I’m lonely, and support in my weakness of youth. In a sense, the psalm is a companion, a friend to run to when I grow weary of the daily duty of life. It centers me when I need repose and provides me with strength to meet the world anew.

From: O'Connor, Charles D
Sent: Saturday, December 18, 2004 1:27 AM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: RE: 24. Fall Term Talismans

The characters in my novels are my own unrealized possibilities…Each one has crossed a border that I myself have circumvented. It is that crossed border (the border beyond which my own “I” ends) that attracts me most. For beyond that border begins the secret the novel asks about. The novel is not the author’s confession; it is an investigation of human life in the trap the world has become (221).

“An investigation of human life in the trap the world has become.” What a great quote. As I have mentioned in other posts, this is why I read, to investigate life. I love books that investigate, explore, scrutinize and question life in all its manifestations. I also like this quote because of what it says about the author and his writing method. He does not just write about what he knows, but about decisions he did not make. A major theme in this novel is that we only have one life. “Living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come” (8). This novel might be the authors conjecture about a possible life he could have led, had he made different choices. I think that is fascinating. I often wonder what my life would be like had I made different choices. Kundera circumvents one of the major themes of the novel, the problems resulting from having only one life, by writing a book. I like that; it makes me want to be a writer.

You are in bed together, you two Readers. So the moment has come to address you in the second person plural, a very serious operation, because it is tantamount to considering the two of you a single subject. I’m speaking to you two, a fairly unrecognizable tangle under the rumpled sheet…but…your respective egos have not so much to erase themselves as to occupy, without reserve, all the void of the mental space…In short, what you are doing is very beautiful but grammatically it doesn’t change a thing. At the moment when you most appear to be a united voi, a second person plural, you are two tu’s, more separate and circumscribed than before. (154)

I love this quote because it contradicts Aristophanes’ vision from the Symposium. Aristophanes expressed the view that finding a mate was equivalent to finding our other half, our completed self. I never liked that imagine, and so I found a contradictory imagine that I find much more suitable. No matter how much two people love each other, no matter how united and close they feel, they remain individuals. I think that is great. I would hate love if I lost my individuality. I love myself too much to give it all up. And therein lies the beauty of love, you do not forsake yourself, rather you an individual yo and you become a united voi. I think that is beautiful.

Something interesting Fr. Mark said in response to my talisman was that the initial stage of relationships often feels like Aristophanes vision and once past the initial stage, love becomes more complicated, as the above quote expresses. I think Fr. Mark is onto something. I know the initial stage of my relationships is a bit like Aristophanes vision, although less intense as completely losing yourself. At the beginning of a relationship, all you can think about is the other person. You sing to yourself; you feel happier. Once that initial stage is over, and you realize that you have not lost yourself, you are still happy, but it is not the simplified happiness that accompanies a new relationship. It is a more complex and fuller happiness; one that more fully grasps and understand the nature of love.

But what would be our reader’ reaction if we simply refused to get to the bottom of that question? In our opinion, it is analytically correct, although—to use Han’s Castorp’s phrase—“terribly gauche” and downright life-denying, to make a “tidy” distinction between sanctity and passion in matters of love…Isn’t it grand, isn’t it good, that language has only one word for everything we associate with love—from utter sanctity to the most fleshy lust? The result is perfect clarity in ambiguity, for love cannot be disembodied even at its most sanctified forms, nor is it without sanctity even at its most fleshy. Love is always simple itself, both as a subtle affirmation of life and as the highest passion…Irresolute? But in God’s good name, leave the meaning of love unresolved! Unresolved—that is life and humanity, and it would betray a dreary lack of subtlety to worry about it. (590)

Once again, another contradictory quote. However, this quote does not contradict another author; this one contradicts Fr. Mark and his assignments. The quote says that our assignment of classifying loves was “analytically correct, although…downright life-denying.” Our assignment was downright life-denying. While I half say that in jest, I half believe it. Our assignment was good in that it helped me understand the different forms love takes in my life. It helped me pinpoint what I believe love is. But Mann is correct in saying this kind of classification is not only dangerous, but wrong. Love is always love. Every love, from family to lover, is passionate, lustful and pure. I believe most of us stated a similar opinion at the time of the assignment. We saw the assignments value, but also had the awareness to realize its limitations.

There was no on in him; behind his face (which even through the bad paintings of those times resembles no other) and his words, which were copious, fantastic and stormy, there was only a bit of coldness, a dream dreamt by no one…”I who have been so many men want to be one and myself.” The voice of the Lord answered from a whirlwind. “Neither am I anyone; I have dreamt the world as you dreamt your work, my Shakespeare, and among the many forms in my dream are you, who like myself are many and no one.”

It is so mind-blowing to think that we are not one, at best the dream of God, not ever a dream at worst. Yet, it is so true. The experience described in the parable, the experience of not being anyone, I have certainly experienced. At times I feel like I am just playing a part other people expect, when in reality I am nothing. It is quite frightening and freeing at the same time. Frightening in the sense that if I am no one, do I matter, am I important? If I were to not exist, would it make a difference? Freeing in the sense that if I am no one, then I can play any role I want. I am not confined to who I am supposed to be. These are important questions at the heart of being human. They scream Sartre to me. We are nothingness.

God, in whom Ivan did not believe, and His truth were beginning to overcome the heart, which still refused to submit…God will triumph, [Alyosha] thought, And Ivan will either rise in the light of truth or…or he will perish in hate, punishing himself and all the others, for having served something in which he does not believe,” Alyosha added sadly, and once again prayed for Ivan. (788-789)

Ivan was my favorite character in The Brothers K. He was such a dynamic force. One of my favorite quotes was at the end when his bastard brother said Ivan was most like their father. It is so revealing of his character. Throughout the novel, I thought Dimitri was most like the father. I thought Ivan was a good person, he just did not believe in God. But the whole time, Ivan was much more complex and fascinating. Dostoevsky did a great job with Ivan. At the end of the novel, his character explodes with emotions I did not know he had or felt, for example guilt. I did not expect him to experience such strong and poignant guilt. It revealed a lot about his soul and heart.

Ivan especially attracts me because I do not really believe in God. Dostoevsky obviously has great faith (the moral center of the novel is Alyosha, and Dostoevsky calls him the hero). However, I found it most interesting that Dostoevsky does not ever judge Ivan. Instead, he takes Alyosha’s attitude and does not judge, just prays and accepts. I think Dostoevsky was most interested in Ivan’s struggle with belief in God. And it is a beautiful struggle he creates. I struggle with many of the same things, so it touched me deeply.

She prays now she says, that I may learn in my own life and away from home and friends what the heart is and what it feels. Amen. So be it. Welcome, O life! I go to encounter for the millionth time the reality of experience and to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race. Old father, old artifice, stand my now and ever in good stead. (288)

I first read this book last spring, while in Europe. This quote jumped out of the page and spoke to my soul. I felt like Joyce was writing about me. I am seeking in my life, away from home and friends, to discover what the heart is and what it feels. In essence, I am seeking to discover life. It is such a beautiful quote. I joined this class because I thought it would help me discover what the heart is. And it has; this class has surpassed all my expectations. As I leave Great Books, I enter the world on my own, to discover for myself what the heart is and what it feels. I go to encounter the reality of existence. “Amen. So be it. Welcome, O life!”

From: Anderson, Jessica A
Sent: Friday, December 17, 2004 1:04 PM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: RE: 24. Fall Term Talismans

“It is a completely selfless love: Tereza did not want anything of Karenin; she did not ever ask him to love her back. Nor had she ever asked herself the questions that plague human couples: Does he love me? Does he love anyone more than me? Does he love me more than I love him? Perhaps all the questions we ask of love, to measure, test, probe, and save it have the additional effect of cutting it short. Perhaps the reason we are unable to love is that we yearn to be loved, that is, we demand something (love) from our partner instead of delivering ourselves up to him demand-free and asking for nothing but his company.” The Unbearable Lightness of Being, p. 297, HarperPerennial

I love this quote because it makes me think. If anyone has ever had a pet, namely a dog, they understand the difference here. Maybe too, a person would have to have experienced a relationship where these questions are pondered. What's most interesting to me here is that Kundera leaves the questions and actions in the realm of a woman asking them. Maybe women are the only ones that think about it, but mostly I think women are the only ones to form them into words, whether they are in the head or spoken. What does it mean, "delivering ourselves up to him demand-free and asking for nothing but his company?" It's hard for me to imagine as a human interacting with another human that this could even be possible. Expectations get tied up in relationships where love is present, and people run the risk of hurting each other by placing too much or too little on these expectations. Although at the same time, I can't even start to think how rewarding it would be if both sides accomplished this offering of themselves. And I'm also troubled by the request for "his company." In this day, it's difficult to even ask for time. So, what would a relationship be like if it were based on no questions and demand-free? I'm starting to think it would be just as difficult. But really, I'm more struck by the effect of cutting love short by these questions. We try so hard to feel safe and secure and perhaps the bitter irony of it all is that we are becoming less secure by asking so many questions. Perhaps the only way to feel secure in love is to let go, roll with the punches, and hang on.

“Love a man even in his sin, for that is the semblance of Divine Love and is the highest love on earth. Love all God’s creation, the whole and every grain of sand in it. Love every leaf, every ray of God’s light. Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things.” The Brothers Karamazov, p. 298, Norton

I look out my window at the children playing on the school yard. The bell has obviously just rung as they are all hurrying back to the building. I see also the over dry corn in the field blowing in the wind. Their thin, yellow arms weathered and tired. These things are so easy to love, to get used to and expect each day. I turn my head and see a picture of my nephew above my desk. He is easy to love, although his father isn’t always. Will my nephew still be easy to love in 15 years? Will he still be the sweet boy he is now? Or will he end up like my brother? These are thoughts I’ve struggled with forever. Learning how to love my brother again was not easy. I’m not sure I’ve even accomplished it yet. He is our family scapegoat; however, most of the things really are his fault. But are they? Is it his fault he has this inherited problem with making decisions, specifically the right ones? This quote is a challenge for me. It’s a challenge to love him, to love those who annoy me, those who hurt me, those who love me. I want to be more aware of what’s going on around me, to be able to see everything in a positive light. I believe it’s possible, but I believe much of what Fr. Zosima says is possible. Someday I will be comfortable with my brother, and then I will turn to those who hurt me and I will find love in them. Even if I don’t succeed, I want this quote to be a reminder.

“The worst part was that the rain was affecting everything and the driest of machines would have flowers popping out among their gears if they were not oiled every three days, and the threads in brocades rusted, and wet clothing would break out in a rash of saffron-colored moss. The air was so damp that fish could have come in through the doors and swum out the windows, floating through the atmosphere in the rooms.” One Hundred Years of Solitude, p. 340, HarperPerennial

I chose this section because the description is so rich and beautiful. The writing brings the situation to life and I can just see fish swimming through the air. It is passages like this that made me love this book. Marquez’s writing brings an atmosphere to me like the rooms in the Buendia house. In my home town we have been in draught for about 6 or 7 years, so I’m not really used to rain, even though I’ve been living in St. Joe for most of the past 4 years. I still get a little bit sad when it rains, but this quote gives rain a bit of a magical quality to the whole thing. I want it to start raining right now, so that I can grow flowers and moss and have fish swim through my room. This rain of my dreams would only last a few hours, maybe a day, and then it would be really sunny and warm for a week. That would be best. This passage also calls to the part of me that likes to write. I want to be able to write like this, and weave stories of unreal, yet totally imaginable, places and times. I love the way it rolls of my tongue and they way I get caught up often on the word, “brocades.” This quote is my little piece of a magical world I can only visit sometimes.

And the pismire is equally perfect, and a grain of sand, and the egg of the wren,

And a mouse is a miracle enough to stagger sextillions of infidels.” Leaves of Grass, p. 47, Bantam

I love this quote because it reminds me of who I am. I worked for a summer at a Catholic church camp as a counselor. I worked for 10 weeks in close proximity to 18 other people. It was an incredibly growth filled experience. For a session one week, one of my co-workers brought out this excerpt of the poem to share with a group of junior high school campers. I remember sitting on the grass looking around at the awesome landscape. There were mountains, green trees, children, friends, the lake and maybe a marmot or two. And I was so happy. This talisman brings back those feelings of contentment and acceptance. It’s quite the blessing to know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be at a certain moment in time. I will remember this quote forever because it and Legendary Lodge mean so much about who I am. The Lodge has shaped me since I was 11 years old. It still continues to do so, even though I have been there in a couple of years. I’m aiding in seeing the beauty in every part of my life.

“Well, precisely because you have denied it in every other field, you believe you may still grant yourself legitimately this youthful pleasure of expectation in a carefully circumscribed area like the field of books, where you can be lucky or unlucky, but the risk of disappointment isn't serious.” If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler, p. 4, Harvest

I love reading and I don’t like being disappointed. However, I’ll admit, I build myself up for the disappointing outcome because I don’t want to be sad. I don’t let myself expect things from life especially from the things I care the most about. But I expect something from books. I am most happy when I have a book between my hands and not a care on my mind. When I don’t have to be anywhere and don’t have to do anything. I love books. What is so special about this quote is Calvino uses me in his story in his writing. I’m not supposed to be a part of it, yet he knows what I’m like and what I’m thinking. In the end, this is a trick that I maybe shouldn’t have fallen for so easily but some of it still holds true. I am not scared of being disappointed by books.

“In time there was a day that extinguished the last eyes to see Christ; the battle of Junםn and the love of Helen died with the death of a man. What will die with me when I die, what pathetic or fragile form will the world lose?” Labyrinths, The Witness, p. 243, New Directions.

Please don’t think I’m arrogant enough to think that the world will be a worse place when I’m gone. In fact, I chose this quote because I would feel much honored if a few people lost something when I died. But Borges tells us that it isn’t the important things that the world loses. Instead, it is the little things like someone’s voice or the sight of the sunset on a Montana lake. It is the feeling of a pink blankie against your eyes to keep the morning sun out and the graduation ceremony of Helena High School – Class of 2001. These little things I keep in my head and some in my heat and I hope somewhere along the way, they get shared with a few people. Since, in their own way, they are special.

With the learning of the following words by heart I’ve begun to create my talisman collection; passages that I will be able to take with me and ponder for years to come. The following passages have been chosen for specific and unique reasons, but they all share the common thread of having a deep existence within me, shedding light onto the aspects of life which are most perplexing to me at the moment. My talismans collection will undoubtedly grow and shift its paradigm with time, but what I hope is that these passages will serve as a portal to different times in my life; allowing me to witness my development as a person. I want to be able to look back in 10, 20, or 30 years and say, “Yeah, I know this person and he’s still here with me.”

You are so young; you stand before beginnings, and I would like to beg of you, dear friend, as well as I can, to have patience with everything that is unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you, because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day. Perhaps you are indeed carrying within yourself the potential to visualize, to design, and to create for yourself and utterly satisfying, joyful, and pure lifestyle. Discipline yourself to attain it, but accept that which comes to you with deepest trust, and as long as it comes from your inner most will, accept it, and do not hate anything”

„Sie sind so jung, so vor allem Anfang, und ich mצchte Sie, so gut ich es kann, bitten, lieber Herr, Geduld zu haben gegen alles Ungelצste in Ihrem Herzen und zu versuchen, die Fragen selbst liebzuhaben wie verschlossene Stuben und wie B�cher, die in einer sehr fremden Sprache geschrieben sind. Forschen Sie jetzt nicht nach den Antworten, die Ihnen nicht gegeben werden kצnnen, weil Sie sie nicht leben kצnnten. Und es handelt sich darum, alles zu leben. Leben Sie jetzt die Fragen. Vielleicht leben Sie dann allmהhlich, ohne es zu merken, eines fernen Tages in die Antwort hinein. Vielleicht tragen Sie ja in sich die Mצglichkeit, zu bilden und zu formen, als eine besonders selige und reine Art des Lebens; erziehen Sie sich dazu, - aber nehmen Sie das, was kommt, in gro�em Vertrauen hin, und wenn es nur aus Ihrem Willen kommt, aus irgendeiner Not Ihres Innern, so nehmen Sie es auf sich und hassen Sie nichts.“

“College is a time to find yourself. “ I don’t know where I heard this quote, but its message has been eerily lingering in the back of my mind for three years now, because I haven’t been able to “find myself.” Yes, it may be a scary thought, but the real Lew is still to be found, and for this reason I chose this quote from Rainer Rilke to be one of my three talismans. In this “abschnitt,” Rainer Rilke addresses my fears of not being able to find the answers to the questions that remain unsolved in my heart, by telling me that I should not be looking for the answers right now. At first I was perplexed at this statement, because how am I supposed to find myself or the answers that remain unsolved if I can’t look for them? Rainer answered this question by simply stating that “it is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question” (35). It’s true, sometimes the hardest questions that we are faced with cannot be answered by other people; we need to live out these questions because they will only be answered with experience and time. I think a perfect example of this is love. Like Rilke, I believe that when we are young we have many questions about love that can’t be answered, because we have to experience it, learn it, and be patient with it. This is where a lot of young people go wrong with love because we are impatient. We don’t give ourselves enough time to be alone and question love, because like fools we rush in. Rilke lets us know that instead of rushing in we need “to have patience with everything that remains unsolved in our hearts” (35). To know how to love is not teachable. As it’s often said that knowledge is transferable, but things such as wisdom and love are things that you need to experience for yourself. This is why with love one needs to be patient, and let him/herself feel alone so that one can mature and come to a fully ripened sense of love. With ideas like this I believe that the letters from Rilke are some of the most important pieces of literature that we have, because these letters address the pertinent questions of life with a human touch that I’ve never seen replicated.

Although I found the ideas in this quote to be important, I believe that the real strength behind this quote lies in it’s ability to be used in everyday life. As I grow older and become the respondent instead of the inquirer to these questions about life, I will be able to use this quote to help the inquirers understand that all they need to do is live the question. That the answers may already live inside them, they just need to experience them.

“Live awhile within these books. Learn of them, whatever seems worth the learning, but above all, love them. For this love you shall be requited a thousand and a thousand times over, no matter what turn your life will take. This love, I am sure of it, will weave itself through the tapestry of your evolving being as one of the most important threads of your experiences, your disappointments, and your joys… And as one goes through these books later, awestruck still, they lose nothing of their wonderful power nor relinquish any of their fairy tale quality with which they overwhelmed the reader the first time. Only one becomes more and more delighted, more grateful, somehow clearer and simpler in one’s perceptions. One has a deeper faith in life, is more content, and has somehow gained in self worth”

Why read great books? This is sometimes a difficult question to answer, because it’s hard to pull all of your ideas and experiences of great books into one general statement. This is why I decided to memorize this quote. Although its ideas are not too specific it gives an overall picture of what reading great books will do for you. What they’re all about. “This love, I am sure of it, will weave itself through the tapestry of your evolving being as one of the most important threads of your experiences, your disappointments, and your joys” (19).

I’ve been a huge fan of Rainer Rilke ever since Fr. Mark introduced me to his Letters to a Young Poet freshmen year. In his letters to this young poet he addresses the pertinent questions of life with a human touch that I’ve never seen replicated. I know some people turn to the Bible when they have their doubts or questions about life; I turn to Rilke. I find myself constantly going back to the letters that he has written, because the guidance that he has given to this young poet is so useful in my own life. For this reason two of my three talismans have come from Rainer Rilke, and I now feel by knowing these quotes by heart I am coming into an even deeper sense of their meaning, an understanding that has brought me to many realizations.

“I got up at sunrise, and was happy; I roamed the forests and hills, I wandered in the valleys, I did nothing, and happiness followed me everywhere - happiness, which could not be referred to any definite object, but dwelt entirely with myself”

I chose this quote from Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s, Confessions, to be my final talisman, because it reminds me what’s important in life. Too often I find myself being carried away by what society wants me to think happiness is, so that I need something to bring me back to reality. This is exactly why I chose to memorize this poem, because it brings me back. It makes me realize where I really stand in life, and it helps me put things into proportion.

I’ve spent a large sum of this fall semester in the cold confines of the Alcuin Library studying and reading, trying to learn and get stuff done, and every so often it just gets to be too much for me. To get away from the library and school woes I go out into nature. For some reason when in the surroundings of nature I am then able to put my worries and problems into proportion, and this allows me to see how little these worries that I have really matter. The happiness that I find in nature though cannot be referred to any definite object though, because it comes from within. It lets me know that happiness isn’t owned, but

And it was for we were not strong, only aggressive; we were not free, merely licensed; we were not compassionate, we were polite; not good, but well behaved.

We courted death in order to call ourselves brave, and we hid like thieves from the world. We substituted good grammar for intellect; we switched habits to simulate maturity; we rearranged lies and called it truth, seeing in the new pattern of an old idea the Revelation and world.

This passage holds a lot of truths to my own life, but ultimately I chose this quote because it serves as a reality check for me, a so called ego checker if you will. It helps me stop, take a step back, and look at my life from the outside; to question my own concept of who I am as a person. Am I the person who I think I am, or am I conforming to the “new pattern” of an old idea, this idea of actively switching, rearranging, and substituting traits to make myself and others believe that I am leading a good life, when I’m actually not. For example: the grandma of a kid on my floor dies. When I see the kid the next day in the hall I go up to him and tell him how sorry I am about his grandma’s death, and that if he needs anyone to talk to I’d be there for him. Now he may think that I am a compassionate person, and I may think the same thing, but in all actuality I am just being polite. I’m just doing the right thing, and I think it’s important for a person to be able to make the distinction; being polite and compassionate are not the same thing.

In a world where falsification is slowly becoming our reality, it’s so easy to get into the habit of wearing a mask, because only a few people will ever make out who you truly are, because most people only see who you appear to be. If you can appear to be an ethical person, isn’t that easier than actually being one? It may well be, but isn’t this just another example of how we are adjusting our desires to the way culture and society goes? Martha Nussbaum had an interesting take on this.

We should live our lives with such a seriousness to commitment that we are not adjusting our desires to the way the world goes, but we are trying to arrest from the world a good life, the good life which we desire, and sometimes that leads us into tragedy.

By having a seriousness to commitment about being compassionate, truthful, open, brave, and free we definitely leave our lives in the hands of things which are not under our control. For us to hold this seriousness we have to allow ourselves to trust humanity in such a way that tragedy will happen. This is the problem of leading the ethical life though, and I think it’s definitely worth it. I believe that it’s when you say to yourself that it is too much to bear to hold this seriousness that we retreat into the thought that we will live only for our own comfort that we stop being human. It’s important that we all have a way to step back and check our own concepts of ourselves. The beauty of being human is our fragility, and by not trusting ourselves or others with the truth, are we truly human any longer?

There is a community of the spirit.
Join it, and feel the delight
of walking in the noisy street,
and being the noise.

I first heard this poem in the Great Books Cave, during the inaugural meeting of the Dead Poets Society. Since our talisman are meant to be the passages which we would like to ponder for years to come, I really wanted to choose a talisman that reminded me of my time here at St. John’s. This is the main reason for why I chose this poem.

When I finished reading this poem for the first time it reminded me of the community that we have here at St. John’s. During this read I felt as though Rumi had outlined my growth during my time in this Benedictine community; from a young freshman who drank all of his passions and was a disgrace, to a some what mature junior who is trying to move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. After realizing my own growth in the community I became sad though. I realized that I had lost this young freshman; that I had grown older, and because of this the younger part of me no longer existed. I don’t want to lose this young freshman who drank all of his passions and was a disgrace though; there are some things about this younger me that I would like to keep. I don’t want to grow old, I just want to mature.

After thinking about this for a while I would have to say that Rumi would agree with me, because in his last line he says, “Flow down and down in always widening rings of being.” He doesn’t say that we have to leave our old selves behind, but that like a tree we are always growing in ever widening rings. Our old selves are still with us in our core; it is just our job to realize this. At the present we may only recognize the outermost rings, but that is only because they are most apparent, the other beings are still alive. Because of this would have to say that this poem has a double meaning for me. First it helps me to remember my time here at St. John’s, and secondly, it doesn’t let the younger part of me die. It keeps him alive, so that I can recall him when I feel the need.

From: Neuhaus, Cassandra M
Sent: Friday, December 17, 2004 1:23 AM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: RE: 24. Fall Term Talismans

“Look around you at the gifts of God, the clear sky, the pure air, the tender grass, the birds; nature is beautiful and sinless, and we, only we, are godless and foolish, and we don’t understand that life is a paradise, for we have only to understand that and it will at once be fulfilled in all its beauty, we shall embrace each other and weep” (279, Brothers Karamazov—Fr. Zosima). 66 wds

I chose this Talisman because I think it is not only literarily beautiful, but has a truly beautiful and serene meaning. It flows off of my lips, and through my heart and soul. Man, I love this quote!!! I think we often forget, in our busy and hectic lives, to appreciate our surroundings—to take a moment to smell the flowers, literally. If I find myself totally stressed out, the most therapeutic experience for me is to walk outside and absorb the beauty of nature, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Nature is so incredible, and we are so blessed to live at this little campus in the woods. We are luckier than many in the sights that we see every day—the green, towering trees, the green grass, the gardens scattered around our campus, and especially now, the bright reds, oranges, and yellows that signify the coming of a new season. This is such a moving passage, and something that can help us appreciate life every time we think of it.

This quote helps the reader understand the importance of loving the little things that make life worth living, that help create a personal paradise for each of us. The flawlessness and magnificence of God’s creation is visible in nature, and the interconnectedness of all his creations can be seen by carefully examining and appreciating the intricacies that create this beautiful and functional system.

“Keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer” (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet, 21). 39wds Even though Rilke was following Rodin

I have quoted this in a previous essay and commented the following (and I still feel the same way): “This quote is one of the many that stress what I believe is the main point of the selected reading--the importance of solitude and the value of self-reflection. The answers to all life’s questions lie within. I, like many others, often seek self-affirmation by the approval of others without taking time to reflect within, but in my search for approval I feel more self-conscious and confused about who I am. I find that I learn the most about myself and others in my moments of solitude, when my mind wanders and I am my only resource for answers. It is in these moments of silence that I have time to question who I am, what I stand for, who I wish to become…It is when I am alone with God and my thoughts that I can carefully listen to that little voice within. When we continually search for answers in others we are gradually moving away from reflection in our own souls. It is a much greater challenge to look for answers within than it is to seek answers from an outside source, and it is this challenge of careful self-examination that strengthens ones will and creates psychological, spiritual, and emotional growth that is the center of ones being.”

Now, looking at this quote, after reading The Bluest Eye, it has even a greater meaning. I think this quote closely relates to the outside pressures that we are faced with on a daily basis, and how much the opinions of others influence our opinions of ourselves. We give others so much power in influencing our lives, and often define ourselves by others views. We have seen what damage this can do when witnessing the heartache that the characters in The Bluest Eye experience because of the stereotypes and opinions of the outside world. It crushed their ability to acknowledge their own beauty; by learning through their environment that the only beautiful thing is this world is a young, blond-haired, and blue-eyed girl. So, not only is looking within vital to loving ourselves, so is trying to minimize the effect that others opinions have on our own self concept.

“But in Utopia, where everything’s under public ownership, no one has any fear of going short, as long as the public storehouses are full. Everyone gets a fair share, so there are never any poor men or beggars. Nobody owns anything, but everyone is rich—for what greater wealth can there be than cheerfulness, peace of mind, and freedom from anxiety?” (Thomas More, Utopia, 110). 61

Ah, if this were only true. Especially in today’s materialistic society, such importance is placed on the acquiring of goods. American’s are especially guilty of this indulgence, and often forget that everything we have comes at a cost, a cost much greater than the pocket change we pay to own these things; this cost is paid by the women and children overseas who are given minimal wages and forces to work long hours doing (almost slave-like) labor. I understand that the idea behind Utopia is that such a society cannot exist, but it doesn’t hurt to dream. I chose this as one of my Talisman’s because, I too, get caught up in our consumer-driven society, and find myself shopping and spending money, and wanting more and more stuff—when I need nothing. This talisman is to remind me of the many people who are less fortunate than me, who are paying more than I can imagine so that I can accumulate this mass of unneeded junk.

I had commented on the beginning of this quote in an earlier essay: “Too often man seeks to heal himself by acquiring material goods, only to find that these goods leave him wanting more. The search for happiness through the obtaining of material goods is a perpetual cycle that will always leave man unfulfilled and thirsting for more. Until we are able to realize that the only way to find true happiness is to look within ourselves and appreciate the simple pleasures in life, such as the company of family and friends, and the beauty of nature, we will continue to look for comfort in material things.

I recently spent some time at an organic farm called Anatoth, an intentional living community that practices war-tax resistance by living below the poverty level. They own nothing, not even the land that they live on, and although they make less than $7000 a year, are able to live a comfortable lifestyle. They have sacrificed all possessions, and have been justly rewarded with peace of mind.”

The rotten apple his back and the inflamed area around it, which was completely covered with fluffy dust, already hardly bothered him. He thought back on his family with deep emotion and love. His conviction that he would have to disappear was, if possible, even firmer than his sister’s. He remained in this state of empty and peaceful reflection until the tower clock struck three in the morning. He still saw that outside the window everything was beginning to grow light. Then, without his consent, his head sank down to the floor, and from his nostrils streamed his last weak breath. (Metamorphosis, 54).

After a significant amount of time had passed (demonstrated by the dust on his back), Gregor finally accepted that things weren’t going to change. The opening sentence of this passage reminds the reader that he was, and would remain, a vermin. The following sentence, however, reveals the human qualities of emotion and love that Gregor still experiences despite his outward appearance. His appearance has changed, but Gregor has not. He did not want to cause anyone any pain and did not want to be an inconvenience to his family. Gregor recognized the burden placed on his family due to his physical metamorphosis, but because his psyche had not changed, he once again sacrificed himself to do what he thought was best for his family. He died in a state of peace after reflecting on the deep love that he had for his family. His soul was finally content, and the freedom that this contentedness brought, allowed his dilapidated body to collapse.

Immediately another flame rises in the depths of the rock and moves towards the surface like an imprisoned spirit: the walls of the circular chamber have been most marvelously polished. The two flames approach and strive to unite, but cannot, because one of them breathes air, the other stone. 49 wds. A Passage to India 137

To me, this passage symbolizes the relationship between India and England. They are both imprisoned by societal expectations, but their passions remain, attempting to break through the surface. The two societies (represented by Aziz and Mrs. Moore/Ms. Quested) attempt to escape these barriers, but cannot unite because they are from two different worlds. This passage represents that sometimes passions, no matter how strong, are unable to defy the standards set by society. The human spirit is vulnerable to the implications placed on it by the surrounding environment, and despite its intentions to connect with other passionate spirits (countries/peoples) the spirit is crushed by the weight of civilization.

How could you associate yourself with the murderous horde that burns down hospitals, cuts of the ears of villagers, blows up trains full of innocent workers going home to their huts, rapes children and forces women at gunpoint to kill their husbands and eat their flesh?....Because horror comes slowly. It takes weeks and months, trickling, growing, mounting, rolling, swelling from the faxed codes of operation…” 66wds Nadine Gordimer (p. 13)

“Horror comes slowly.” What a terrifying yet truthful statement! It is nearly impossible to recognize small changes that occur daily from within. These changes are made invisible by their seemingly insignificant modifications to our psyche. We are constantly changing, but because this change occurs so slowly, we are unaware of its scope. The concept that we cannot control what we cannot perceive is what makes this statement all the more frightening. Although we view others who are capable of such atrocities as rape, murder, and cannibalism, as barbarians, we too, are vulnerable to such appalling behaviors.

The power of such horror lies in its ability to “sneak up” on us. If horror were to suddenly appear, there would be resistance to its presence; however, if it slowly infiltrates into our beliefs, it remains unrecognized and impossible to overcome. It is difficult to believe that someone could just wake up one day and commit such acts of horror. Such outrageous actions had to be shaped and approached gradually. What may have started out as a scare tactic continued to build, progressively getting more violent, until such horrendous behaviors were occurring.

This passage is applicable to many situations beyond the state of horror, especially in the concept change. In psychology we learn that the one true constant is change. I have changed so much since high school—but when looking back I don’t recognize particular events that created this change. It happened so slowly—the change was gradual but constant. My values have completely changed since high school. If someone were to have told me five years ago (when I was an ambitious, acceptance-seeking jock who wanted nothing more in the world than to become a RICH doctor), that I would graduate with a major in Peace Studies and Psychology after spending four years hugging trees and volunteering across the world, caring little about money, material goods, or approval by my peers, I would have thought they were out of their mind. Such a concept would have seemed outrageous. But, because it occurred so slowly, “growing, mounting, rolling, swelling,” I did not realize that each day shaped who I was and what I believed, so that with every passing day, I was a different person than I was before.

This gradual approach to horror is also the tactic that Gordimer uses in her writing, which coaxes her readers to expect the unexpected. The subtleties involved in the evolution of her plot engage the reader throughout the story and into the climactic conclusion. Gordimer skillfully and slowly merges her readers into the morbidities experienced by her characters, mirroring the concept of horror coming slowly.

He believed in an infinite series of times, in a growing, dizzying net of divergent, convergent and parallel times. This network of times which approached one another, forked, broke off, or were unaware of one another for centuries, embraces all possibilities of time. We do not exist in the majority of these times; in some you exist and not I; in others I, and not you; in others, both of us.” 71 wds. Labyrinths, The Garden of Forking Paths. (p. 28).

Time is such a complex and confusing concept. It is measurable yet infinite, feasible yet inconceivable. We are such a minute part of a grand scheme, rarely recognizing the existence of others despite our constant interactions. The concept addressed by Borges comprehends the grandiosity of time. It is an all-encompassing entity that is resilient to change, in which change is a constant. Time belittles human existence because it is such an immense and intricate concept. Humans may come and go, we are born and we die, but time is endless and omnipresent—an unstoppable force that is unavoidable and exists in all realities since the creation of the universe. As time continues it is growing farther from its beginning, closer to its end, and remaining in the present. Although are time here on earth is extremely limited and such a miniscule portion of the amount of time that has passed since creation, and the amount of time until the universes destruction, the time we do have is invaluable—which is why that this essay must come to an end. I must at least a portion of my limited time here on earth celebrating life with friends and family. Au revoir! Joyeux Noכl!

And there were circles even beyond these—people who wore nothing but a loin-cloth, people who wore not even that, and spent their lives in knocking two sticks together before a scarlet doll—humanity grading and drifting beyond the educated vision, until no earthly invitation can embrace it. All invitations must proceed from heaven perhaps; perhaps it is futile for men to initiate their own unity, they do but widen the gulfs between them by the attempt. (Passage to India) 77wds

This passage addresses the inability for unity between Indians and the English. This passage also foreshadows what it to come—Aziz’s attempt to befriend Mrs. Moore and Ms. Quested results in a division of entire societies. The English and Indians come from entirely different backgrounds, with much different values and ways of life. Although the Indians are content in their way of life, the English have a “greater-than-thou” attitude towards the country and remain oppressive, treating the Indians as lesser people. The divide is so great that it may be impossible to bridge by one man’s attempt. A genuine attempt at friendship by a well-educated Indian doctor leads to the destruction of any attempt at a relationship between the English and Indians. Due to deep lying prejudices, the English are quick to mistrust and accuse this “uncivilized” Indians, regardless of the lack of evidence. The hatred between these two countries ran so deep that any healthy relationship between the two was impossible. The conflict was inevitable.

From: Heilman, Brian P
Sent: Thursday, December 16, 2004 8:30 PM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: RE: 24. Fall Term Talismans

As I told Fr. Mark during my performance at the Meeting Grounds, my talisman choices were shaped greatly by my experience of finals week. At the time I performed these, I still needed to research and write a massive paper (15 pages) for my Lit Theory class, and I was feeling very under-prepared at the time. For inspiration, I turned to Tristram Shandy. During the final section of the novel, Tristram is about to reach the culmination of his one great sequence of plot-related action. His Uncle Toby is finally approaching the house of the Widow Wadman to tell her that he is in love with her. After battling through Tristram's rambling novel, the reader is desperate for some plot payoff here. Yet, right as Uncle Toby reaches the door of the Widow's house, Tristram stops writing! Two blank pages sit where the exciting text should be. And why? Because Tristram feels inadequate as a writer! He doesn't think he can capture this intense moment well enough in words. So, before he finally tells the climax of the story, he performs an incantation honoring the muse of Miguel de Cervantes, author of Don Quixote. He asks Cervantes' muse to enter his mind and pen, and create a beautiful passage. During finals week, I adopted this incantation passage as my own inspiration to write well. Luckily, the muse visited me and I wrote an awesome paper!

3. From my position up there I felt as if I had the storms and the clear skies in my hand, the thunderbolts and the mists not like a god, no, do not believe me mad, I did not feel I was Zeus the Thunderer, but a bit like a conductor who has before him a score already written and who knows that the sounds rising from the instruments correspond to a pattern of which he is the principal curator and possessor.

These two talismans go together really well, so I might as well discuss them together. The first is Lear's awesome RAGE against the wintry storms beating him as he is left out of his daughters' homes. He expresses an utter lack of control of the elements - he is lost and powerless. The second is from If on a winter's night a traveler. In this scene, from the third mini-novel, a man is standing on a high tower gazing into the heavens. At this point in the text, I thought he was going to jump off the tower to his death. But, instead he expresses a great feeling of control over the elements. This is what we may or may not call an antithesis, I guess. Lear is completely powerless, while Calvino's character is completely in control. By choosing both of these as talismans and meditation-inspirers during finals week, I have set myself up as the 'clashing point' of the antithesis. At times during this week, I have felt as if the world has me in its grip, dealing mercilessly with me and pounding me with pain and stress. Other times, (especially the moment when I turned in that 15 page paper), I have felt as if I had the world in my grip. Thanks to the writers of the Great Books, I had the perfect words with which to express both of these emotions.

4. What will die with me when I die, what pathetic or fragile form will the world lose? The voice of Macedonio Fernandez, the image of a red horse in the vacant lot at Serrano and Charcas, a bar of sulphur in the drawer of a mahogany desk?

5. Do you want to see what human eyes have never seen? Look at the moon. Do you want to hear what ears have never heard? Listen to the bird’s cry. Do you want to touch what hands have never touched? Touch the earth. Verily I say that God is about to create the world.

After all of my intense Borges research, I needed to give him a couple shout-outs in Talisman form. The first of these quotes comes from the end of "The Witness," one of the parables around which my term paper focused. The premise of this quote is that each of us holds within us unique memories and experiences. Most importantly, all of us are the last living remember-ers of at least a handful of images or experiences. Perhaps I am the last living person who has seen a certain natural phenomena or heard a person speak. When we die, Borges suggests, these 'pathetic and fragile forms' die with us, granting us both the power of individuality but also rendering us ultimately doomed-to-die in our entireties. The second quote, from The Theologians, is a provocative little passage about God and faith. In my understanding, Borges suggests that we are living at the exact moment of creation, that all experiences are brand new and holy. With this quote in mind, I try to live in the moment and experience every thing I do as if I were the first human ever to do that action.

6. A heavy gypsy with an untamed beard and sparrow hands, who introduced himself as Melquiades, put on a bold public demonstration of what he himself called the eighth wonder of the learned alchemists of Macedonia. He went from house to house dragging two metal ingots, and everybody was amazed to see pots, pans, tongs and braziers tumble down from their places, and beams creak from the desperation of nails and screws trying to emerge, and even objects that had been lost for a long time appeared from where they had been searched for most, and went dragging along in turbulent confusion behind Melquiades’ magical irons. “Things have a life of their own,” the gypsy proclaimed with a harsh accent. “It’s simply a matter of waking up their souls.” One Hundred Years of Solitude, pg 1

This passage is my first and favorite talisman because it’s imagery is stunningly beautiful, it is fun to recite, and it shows the magic that is already spewing forth from this great novel on its very first page. As I recite this talisman, I envision Melquiades strolling down the main street of Macondo, with a wide smile on his face. The townspeople are AMAZED, watching what they take to be a magical feat. The pots and pans fly down from their places and follow the man, just as the townspeople themselves do, when they visit the gypsies’ tents whenever they visit. Plus, the punchline is fantastic, and could be an overall motto for magical realist writers and readers. “Things have a life of their own – it is simply a matter of waking up their souls.” Now whether or not I believe that such a thing as a soul exists, I love this statement of Garcia Marquez’s. There is life and magic in everything, both living and non-living, he is telling us… and that’s a profoundly uplifting point from an exquisite yet painful story.

Reading the Tao te ching this summer was an amazing experience, which makes it sad that I had to enjoy it on my own, without the accompaniment of my classmates. YOU SHOULD ALL READ IT! What I’ve done by choosing this as my second talisman is to bring a good chunk of Taoist thought into our class, in a concise package. Book 20 is one of the longest in the Tao, and easily my favorite. In this book more than any other, the reader can hear the voice of Lao-Tzu, detailing the hardships of living a life devoted to the Tao. Lao-Tzu tells us that he is childish, forgotten, foolish, simple, dim and confused, while his peers all display the opposite characteristics. To our Western minds, we pity Lao-Tzu but recognize that we are on a righteous quest to be everything that he is not. Perhaps we even think within ourselves that Lao-tzu ought to get his shit together and start becoming mature, intelligent, bright and confident. These are our virtues, not the previous. Yet, the real message of the Tao is that the latter traits are indeed the more virtuous. We are not as smart and bright as we think, especially if we think we are bright and smart, suggests the Tao. Lao-Tzu alone chooses to differ, but he knows that in doing so he is living the truest, noblest life. He is content to humble himself, and thus succeeds. I feel that his message is a very important one for people of our country to hear. HOW AWESOME THAT I’VE MEMORIZED THE BEST CHAPTER!

8. And can it be a dream, that in the end people will find their joy in deeds of light and mercy, and not in cruel pleasures as now, in gluttony, fornication, ostentation, boasting and envious rivalry of one with the other? I firmly believe that it is not and that the time is at hand. People laugh and ask: “When will that time come and does it look as if it is coming?” I believe that with Christ’s help we shall accomplish the great thing. And how many ideas there have been on earth in the history of humanity which were unthinkable ten years before they appeared? Yet when their destined hour had come, they came forth and spread over the whole earth. So will it be with us, and our people will shine forth in the world, and all people will say: “The stone which the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.” The Brothers Karamazov, pg 296-297

1.   Gentle spirit of sweetest humour, who erst did sit upon the easy pen of my beloved Cervantes; Thou who glided’st daily through his lattice, and turned’st the twilight of his prison into noon-day brightness by thy presence—tinged’st his little urn of water with heaven-sent Nectar, and all the time he wrote of Sancho and his master, didst cast thy mystic mantle o’er his withered stump, and wide extended it to all the evils of his life—Turn in hither, I beseech thee!
The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, pg 598-599
As I told Fr. Mark during my performance at the Meeting Grounds, my talisman choices were shaped greatly by my experience of finals week. At the time I performed these, I still needed to research and write a massive paper (15 pages) for my Lit Theory class, and I was feeling very under-prepared at the time. For inspiration, I turned to Tristram Shandy. During the final section of the novel, Tristram is about to reach the culmination of his one great sequence of plot-related action. His Uncle Toby is finally approaching the house of the Widow Wadman to tell her that he is in love with her. After battling through Tristram's rambling novel, the reader is desperate for some plot payoff here. Yet, right as Uncle Toby reaches the door of the Widow's house, Tristram stops writing! Two blank pages sit where the exciting text should be. And why? Because Tristram feels inadequate as a writer! He doesn't think he can capture this intense moment well enough in words. So, before he finally tells the climax of the story, he performs an incantation honoring the muse of Miguel de Cervantes, author of Don Quixote. He asks Cervantes' muse to enter his mind and pen, and create a beautiful passage. During finals week, I adopted this incantation passage as my own inspiration to write well. Luckily, the muse visited me and I wrote an awesome paper!
2.   Blow winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage, blow!
You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
Till you have drenched our steeples, drowned the cocks.
You sulph’rous and thought-executing fires,
Vaunt-couriers of oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
Singe my white head. And thou, all-shaking thunder,
Strike flat the thick rotundity o’ th’ world.
Crack nature’s molds, all germens spill at once
That makes ingrateful man.

…let fall
Your horrible pleasure. Here I stand your slave,
A poor, infirm, weak and despised old man.
King Lear 3.2.1-11 & 16-22
&
3. From my position up there I felt as if I had the storms and the clear skies in my hand, the thunderbolts and the mists not like a god, no, do not believe me mad, I did not feel I was Zeus the Thunderer, but a bit like a conductor who has before him a score already written and who knows that the sounds rising from the instruments correspond to a pattern of which he is the principal curator and possessor.
If on a winter’s night a traveler, pg 67
These two talismans go together really well, so I might as well discuss them together. The first is Lear's awesome RAGE against the wintry storms beating him as he is left out of his daughters' homes. He expresses an utter lack of control of the elements - he is lost and powerless. The second is from If on a winter's night a traveler. In this scene, from the third mini-novel, a man is standing on a high tower gazing into the heavens. At this point in the text, I thought he was going to jump off the tower to his death. But, instead he expresses a great feeling of control over the elements. This is what we may or may not call an antithesis, I guess. Lear is completely powerless, while Calvino's character is completely in control. By choosing both of these as talismans and meditation-inspirers during finals week, I have set myself up as the 'clashing point' of the antithesis. At times during this week, I have felt as if the world has me in its grip, dealing mercilessly with me and pounding me with pain and stress. Other times, (especially the moment when I turned in that 15 page paper), I have felt as if I had the world in my grip. Thanks to the writers of the Great Books, I had the perfect words with which to express both of these emotions.
4.   What will die with me when I die, what pathetic or fragile form will the world lose? The voice of Macedonio Fernandez, the image of a red horse in the vacant lot at Serrano and Charcas, a bar of sulphur in the drawer of a mahogany desk?
Borges, “The Witness”
&
5.   Do you want to see what human eyes have never seen? Look at the moon. Do you want to hear what ears have never heard? Listen to the bird’s cry. Do you want to touch what hands have never touched? Touch the earth. Verily I say that God is about to create the world.
Borges, “The Theologians”
After all of my intense Borges research, I needed to give him a couple shout-outs in Talisman form. The first of these quotes comes from the end of "The Witness," one of the parables around which my term paper focused. The premise of this quote is that each of us holds within us unique memories and experiences. Most importantly, all of us are the last living remember-ers of at least a handful of images or experiences. Perhaps I am the last living person who has seen a certain natural phenomena or heard a person speak. When we die, Borges suggests, these 'pathetic and fragile forms' die with us, granting us both the power of individuality but also rendering us ultimately doomed-to-die in our entireties. The second quote, from The Theologians, is a provocative little passage about God and faith. In my understanding, Borges suggests that we are living at the exact moment of creation, that all experiences are brand new and holy. With this quote in mind, I try to live in the moment and experience every thing I do as if I were the first human ever to do that action.

From: Ziegler, Sarah E
Sent: Thursday, December 16, 2004 5:50 PM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: RE: 24. Fall Term Talismans

No, no, no, no! Come, let's away to prison:
We two alone will sing like birds i' the cage:
When thou dost ask me blessing, I'll kneel down,
And ask of thee forgiveness: so we'll live,
And pray, and sing, and tell old tales, and laugh
At gilded butterflies, and hear poor rogues
Talk of court news; and we'll talk with them too,
Who loses and who wins; who's in, who's out;
And take upon's the mystery of things,
As if we were God's spies: and we'll wear out,
In a wall'd prison, packs and sects of great ones,
That ebb and flow by the moon.

I relate to the idea of wanting to just “away” with someone or something strongly. Often, when I am stressed, tried, or overwhelmed my immediate reaction is to run away from that feeling with something that I love. Life should be lived in this way, focused on what is important and laughing in what others may consider imprisonment. Too many times I have let myself become obsessed and made to believe in a prison of “have to” and “should” that have no importance when compared to “I love.” However, little cognitive thought went into the choosing of this talisman. I chose it when Mary read it so beautifully in our class, merely falling in love with the images in it; Gilded butterflies, poor rogues, God’s spies… The truth behind this poetry is amazing and meaningful, but my main love of it comes from its shear beauty.

“He meant actually to open the door, actually to show himself and speak to the chief clerk; he was eager to find out what the others, after all their insistence, would say at the sight of him. If they were horrified then the responsibility was no longer his and he could stay quiet. But if they took it calmly, then he had no reason either to be upset, and could really get to the station of the eight o’clock train if he hurried.”

This passage struck me, and I underlined it, but I had to come back to it many times before I figured out why. When compared the dramas which occur later in the story, this is almost a “so what.” However, I think that this is where I can relate to the humanity of Gregor the most, in the cautious but necessary revealing of the self to those around him. He is eager and willing to open the door, to let others in on his secret and let them view the worst and most horrifying parts of himself, knowing that this revelation will determine the direction of his life from that point forward. How he thinks of himself waits on the reactions of those around him. What a scary thought! I admire Gregor for how willing he was to let his family and the clerk see his new ugliness, and my heart aches in knowing what they will do to him for his hopeful trust.

In two of my classes this semester, we have tackled the tired and impossible question, “What is Literature?” I have found no answer better than this, that of Emily Dickinson. Great Books has opened me up to reading poetry. After finding her poems in the Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart, I found this one online one day and fell in love. It sums up how I feel about the best books in my life, and reminds me of our class, making it a perfect talisman for me. I think that her poem applies just as much to the “antique” books as it does some of the newer writing which we read, but I think that it holds especially true when speaking about how these books do speak to the “mutual mind” of the reader and the author, though separated by so much time. This poem makes me want to read more and more, to find new friends and be enchanted once again when told that all my dreams were true.

I have always heard of this poem, but I had never realized how much I have heard it before I memorized it. It turns up everywhere, and that is for good reason. First and foremost there is the nearly prose-like, everyday sort of speech which Yeats uses, and yet he paints with them a continually more and more terrifying picture as the poem goes on. My uncle painted a picture inspired by this poem, and my father has always loved the poem too. In that way, it’s something which connects us and is forever connected with them in my mind and therefore all the more special to me. I’m fascinated by the way that Yeats can trouble our sight with his hideous creature, although all we see or hear are words. This poem scares me, when I really pay attention, and I love it for that.

“In a world of chance, is there a better and a worse? We yield to a stranger’s embrace or give ourselves over to the waves. For the blink of an eyelid our vigilance relaxes; we are asleep. And when we awake, we have lost the direction of our lives. What are these blinks of an eyelid, against which the only defense is an eternal and inhuman wakefulness? Might they not be the cracks and chinks through with another voice, other voices, speak in our lives? By what right do we close our ears to them?”

Everyone has control issues, and I am no exception. Although (as Fr. Mark pointed out) control over our lives is merely an allusion anyway, I have always strove to be in control and understand whatever situation I am in. This passage reminded me of so many times when I have been terrified and angry when I have fallen asleep (or, let’s be honest, had a few too many), left to the mercy of those around me, and awoken with no idea what had transpired. Sometimes I have been disappointed (I particularly recall a time when I fell asleep on a train and woke up to see my friends setting up props and taking pictures and was livid) and sometimes I have awoken feeling protected and cared for. Usually I am mad at myself for these “blinks” but this passage gives me a new perspective. So many of the turning points of our lives go by before we notice them or we have no part in any decision surrounding them. This passage has helped me to allow those moments in which, for better or worse, I have been forced to trust in others when I was most vulnerable, and to understand that the accursed vulnerability I so despise is only human after all.

“No doubt I differ from the mass of men on many points; for, to my mind, whoso hath skill to fence with words in an unjust cause, incurs the heaviest penalty. For such a one, confident that he can cast a decent veil of words o'er his injustice, dares to practice it; and yet he is not so very clever after all. So do not thou put forth thy specious pleas and clever words to me now, for one word of mine will lay thee low.”

From: Voth, Aaron P
Sent: Wednesday, December 15, 2004 8:00 PM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: RE: 24. Fall Term Talismans

“I thought of a labyrinth of labyrinths, of one sinuous spreading labyrinth that would encompass the past and the future and in some way involve the stars. Absorbed in these illusionary images, I forgot my destiny of one pursued. I felt myself to be, for an unknown period of time, an abstract perceiver of the world. […] The world was intimate, infinite” (23).

One of the reasons that I chose this passage is because the way in which I read the words seems to mimic what is being read. “Labyrinth of labyrinths,” “sinuous spreading labyrinth;” these phrases seem to get lost on my tongue as I read. The words on the page are simple, but I found this text to be very challenging to read. Like the character in the book, I get lost in the “illusionary images” on the page in front of me, and at times “I forgot my destiny of one” pursuing a story. I should know what I am reading, but I find myself reading them again and again, trying to make sense of it all. I have never been inside of a real labyrinth (other than a corn maze), but I imagine that must be what it is like: you know where you want to go, and you know the steps you are taking to get there, but you are constantly unsure of yourself, tracing and retracing your steps, trying to make sense of it all.

And then there is that masterful antithesis at the end of the quote. Something that is infinitely large should not be close enough to you to be intimate. Yet I know that my love for my family, for instance, is infinite, and yet at times it is very intimate. There is a struggle there, in trying to break down something so large into lovingly manageable pieces. Much like there is a struggle in trying to navigate a labyrinth. And yet getting lost in that struggle allows us to forget about other, less important things in our lives, and allows us to simply perceive the world.

The idea of an infinite universe being intimate gives me hope. My hope is that the things in my life that seem infinite would also stay close to me, allowing me to be a part of them; and that the things in my life that I consider intimate would grow infinitely large, so large that I get lost in the labyrinths of their glory. Then I can sit back and be “an abstract perceiver of the world.”

“It’s not that you expect anything in particular from this particular book. You’re the sort of person who, on principle, no longer expects anything of anything. There are plenty, younger than you or less young, who live in the expectation of extraordinary experiences: from books, from people, from journeys, from events, from what tomorrow has in store. But not you. You know that the best you can expect is to avoid the worst” (4).

I chose this quote because I absolutely detest and reject the person it is describing. I am the antithesis to this quote. Or at least I want to be. With all of my other talismans I found passages that I agreed with, or that spoke to me in a very positive way. This time I wanted to pick something that I disagreed with, and that spoke to me in a negative way.

I want to remember this passage because I do not want to ever become that person. I do not want to go through life expecting little to nothing from it; I do not want to give up on having extraordinary experiences; I want much more than the worst. I want to live a full, healthy, vivacious life, and the person in this quote does not live that life.

I think part of my revulsion to this passage may be due to the fact that I am starting, for the first time in my life, to feel old. I turn twenty-one tomorrow, which is the last hurdle on the path to adulthood, and the last significant birthday I will have until I turn forty (yipes!). I am an RA on a floor where two of my residents have brothers who were on my floor freshman year. I am graduating from college in May and will have to (somehow) make it on my own. I know that in the grand scheme of things I am not really that old, but it is just something that has been on my mind a lot lately. And it’s sort of freaking me out.

So I picked out a passage that contained an idea I disagreed with. I wanted to carry along with me a piece of advice that would keep me grounded. I do not want to let life fly by without enjoying a little bit of it. I do not want others to get more out of life than me. I do not want to “avoid the worst.” I want to live life to the fullest, and enjoy every minute of it. Even if it means using crappy clichיs to tell people about it. J

I had wanted to include some poetry in my talismans this time around, and specifically some Rumi, so I picked up my book and went looking for a poem. Little did I know that the poem would pick me out. ;-) I think that of all my talismans so far, next to Rilke, this one has spoken to me the most. I’m not sure yet if it is because this is what I wanted to her, or if it is what I needed to hear. Probably a little of both.

This poem spoke to me for a number of reasons. I was first intrigued by the title, because I always find myself calming and quieting myself down before I read poetry. And in my life it seems like the times when I am most quiet are also the times when hear the most. This quietness is discussed throughout the poem, and I find it very comforting. Rumi is talking about letting things happen in your life, and letting them happen quietly, without much fuss. Leave the frantic running behind you. This is advice that I was really ready to receive.

I also found myself swept up in the antithesis surrounding love in this poem. Rumi insists that one must die in an old love in order to grow in a new one, that dying is the only way to live. Not only does this ring true for me in an antithetical way, but in a personal way as well. This past semester I have come to the realization that in order to move on with my life, I need to let old parts of my life die. There is nothing I can do about it; the less I fight it, the better. This has been a challenge for me, but I have definitely experienced some new freedoms from this knowledge. I hope that the man in the speechless full moon smiles on me; if not, then I guess I’ll just wait in silence.

Rainer Maria Rilke - “Letters To A Young Poet” :
   “Therefore, my dear friend, I know of no other advice than this: Go within and scale the depths of your being from which your very life springs forth. At its source you will find the answer to the question, whether you must write. Accept it, however it sounds to you, without analyzing. Perhaps it will become apparent to you that you are indeed called to be a writer. Then accept that fate; bear its burden, and its grandeur, without asking for the reward, which might possibly come from without” (12-13).

    I was first introduced to Rilke my Freshman year of college in my Intro to German Lit class with Fr. Mark. Little was I to know what a profound effect this little book would have on me over the course of the next couple years. Since then I bet I have read the book at least three times a semester, and each time I am left with the feeling that I have just been let in on an amazing secret, the kind which can change your whole outlook on life. There is so much wisdom and insight contained on these pages, it is downright astounding at times. Even thought I would never consider myself a poet, I feel that Rilke is writing these thoughts and encouragements for me, and I have always been able to take this advice to heart like no other. I am not entirely sure what it is about this advice that I find so useful, but I do know that I have not been the same person since reading these letters. I think the fact that it is left in letter form helps promote the intimacy of the thoughts being shared within this work. Regardless, I know that the ability to keep Rilke’s words close to my heart will serve me well in this world, and I look forward to sharing this advice with others.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez - “One Hundred Years Of Solitude” :
    “Before he reached the final line however, he had already understood that he would never leave that room, for it was foreseen that the city of mirrors (or mirages) would be wiped out by the wind and exiled from the memory of men at the precise moment when Aureliano Babilonia would finish deciphering the parchments, and that everything written on them was unrepeatable since time immemorial and forever more, because races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth” (447-448).

    This is an easy one. I would be wrong not to choose a talisman from this book. One Hundred Years of Solitude is easily one of the greatest books I have ever read in my life, and I want to be able to bring that greatness with me for the rest of my life. It was hard picking just one passage that I wanted to remember for the assignment. This particular passage of course is at the end of the book. I chose it because I think that it properly captures the magical realism that Marquez is so good at. I also think that it is the sort of line that would be a good patron of the book. By that I mean that I wanted to choose a passage that would attract other readers to the work. I want people to react with interest when I recite the passage to them. I want them to be intrigued enough that they go check out the book on their own so that they too can experience the magic of this amazing work. And I think this line does that.

William Shakespeare - “Hamlet” :
    “To be or not to be — that is the question:/ Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer / the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, / Or to take arms against a sea of troubles / And, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep — / No more — and by a sleep to say we end / The heartache and the thousand natural shocks / That flesh is air to — ‘tis a consummation / Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep — / To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there’s the rub, / For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, / When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, / Must give us pause. There’s the respect / That makes calamity of so long life” (Act 3, Scene 1).

    I chose this talisman for a couple different reasons. First of all, this is obviously one of the most famous lines from a play — ever. Everyone recognizes it and to be able to recite this whenever I felt like it would be really cool. Also, I think it is perhaps one of the most beautiful soliloquies ever written. The language itself just gorgeous. Few authors in literary history have had such an amazing grasp of their respective language as Shakespeare does here. Shakespeare was obviously at the top of his game when he wrote this play. But I am attracted to so much more than just the language of the work. I have heard that for Shakespeare, a soliloquy was like an open door to the closet of someone’s heart. He took great advantage of this description and offered his readers an amazing look into one of the most complex characters in literary history. There is so much complexity in what the young Danish prince is saying here, and I want to be able to capture and hold onto that complexity for the rest of my life.

From: Steinkraus, Laura D
Sent: Wednesday, December 15, 2004 3:12 PM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: RE: 24. Fall Term Talismans

I don’t know that I’ve made very much progress in terms of “loving the questions themselves”, as Rilke urges, but the concept has been floating around in my mind for a while now. As long as it percolates up there I think it will result in some positive changes. And I still very much enjoy the quote from Toni Morrison about the funkiness of human nature and feel the same way about “banning” it. Also, I see that I again bring up the idea of a utopia that is not as perfect as we would imagine. It certainly is an interesting theme.

"...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." (Norton 35)

I chose this as my first talisman because not only is the imagery compelling but the message is challenging as well. We need to love the questions themselves, and not search so intensely for the answers, because we cannot find them all in our lifetime. Even if we did find the answers, we could not live them. What does this mean? It's like the way we are learning to read in this class; appreciating the material and the style and not so much searching for the "answers", or the end, the specifics of the plot. It's an entirely new way of reading, of living. Appreciating the questions themselves doesn't mean that all of the answers are shut to us. The going may be rough at first- it's a new skill, and it will take practice- but it opens up so many possibilities, both in reading and in life. It may sound frustratingly abstract to say "live the questions now", and it is, but I take it to mean sit back a little and appreciate the asking. We need mystery. It's like an intense anticipation, where it's more exciting to be exploring than to know the answer. I like the idea of living in anticipation, but it's a challenge. I'm not always very patient- I like answers, and I like them to be concrete. But I also like challenges, and anticipation. So I'm willing to take Rilke's challenge.

"...they learn the rest of the lesson begun in those soft houses with porch swings and pots of bleeding heart: how to behave. The careful development of thrift, patience, high morals, and good manners. In short, how to get rid of the funkiness. The dreadful funkiness of passion, the funkiness of nature, the funkiness of the wide range of human emotions." (Plume 83)

Here Morrison is speaking of the "sugar-brown Mobile girls"- the detail she uses to describe every part of their lives is amazing; from the type of soap they use to the way they will control their husbands and households as adults. She writes of a very specific kind of girl; not attention seeking, obedient and polite but not overly kind of loving. She does not stand out but quietly demands obedience herself as wife and mother. The more characteristics of this type of girl I read, the more frightening she became to me. It's that I know that she exists- not just that I find her boring or antiseptic, but the way she tries to erase all traces of "funkiness" so that no one is better or different than anyone else. Our society praises individuality but at the same time is afraid of and discourages differences. Wear what everyone else is wearing, act like everyone else- it's okay to be unique but not overly so. It reminds me of some futuristic novels I have read where there is no freedom of expression, where there is no war or ugliness because there is no passion and those who are different are weeded out. It's a little extreme, but not implausible. The "funkiness" is what makes us human, and interesting. You can't create utopia by banning the funk.

"'There are no genuine passions left in the nineteenth century; that is why everyone is so bored in France. People commit the greatest cruelties without cruelty.'

'So much the worse!' said Julien. 'When they commit a crime they should at least enjoy doing it: that's the only good in crime, and they can't justify themselves even on those grounds.'" (Parks 297)

Speaking of banning passion, it seems that nineteenth century French society has done exactly that in this novel. Everyone must conform to the standards of high society; no one should stand out, everyone must have impeccable manners if they are not to be looked upon as vulgar peasants, and heaven forbid one should break any of these rules. That's why everyone is so bored, and like Count Altamira says, commits crimes without any emotion whatsoever. It's also an interesting comment by Julien, who notes that the enjoyment of crime is the only good in it; not exactly something that I've thought of in relation to a crime.

That is, unless he means that the enjoyment is good for the criminal, and not that the enjoyment itself is a good characteristic of crime. In any case, I like this passage for its characteristic bantering and bandying about of various topics- you can just picture a bunch of snooty but well mannered aristocrats standing around in top hats and tails and discussing the latest news in French society, all using what I like to call "surface talk" and not letting the conversation get too personal. Again, rather frightening. I prefer to keep my funkiness intact.

“We must be born with some intuition of mortality. Before we know the words for it, before we know that there are words, out we come, bloodied and squalling with the knowledge that for all the compasses in the world, there’s only one direction, and time is its only measure.” (Grove 72)

I picked this quote partly because I like the contrast between the idea of a compass and a single direction with time as a measure. It’s an antithesis that makes you stop and reread the paragraph. Coming from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, the discussion is characteristically both deep and shallow at the same time. They are flippant and facetious, but deal with issues like free will and determinism all throughout the play. In the conversation from which this quote was taken, I think they mean this in a fatalistic or deterministic sense; that there is only one path that we can take, that fate decides our lives. We are born with a sense that our death is inevitable, and all we can do is walk the road that has been given us. I find this to be a fairly pessimistic attitude, although they would defend it as practical or realistic. On the other hand, it could be considered comforting to know that whatever you do is what you are supposed to do. However, I much prefer thinking that I have a say in my life, that my choices determine my own destiny. This issue is not easily resolvable, and that is part of what makes it so fascinating to debate.

"I thought of a labyrinth of labyrinths, of one sinuous spreading labyrinth that would encompass the past and the future and in some way involve the stars. Absorbed in these allusory images, I forgot my destiny of one pursued. I felt myself to be, for an unknown period of time, an abstract perceiver of the world." (23

I think this must be the best state of mind for a writer- one in which you perceive the world as if you were a stranger. Everything you see before you is new and different, and you are not a participant but an observer of the bigger picture. I have occasionally felt this way in my life, and it’s an odd feeling when you realize how significant in your small portion of the world, and yet how tiny on a grand scale. In that state of mind you view everything around you differently, detailed but transitory. We are part of an amazing and indescribable labyrinth, one that we cannot figure out in this world but which brings us closer to everyone else finding their way through the maze.

"I have said that nothing factual that I write or say will be as truthful as my fiction. The life, the opinions, are not the work, for it is in the tension between standing apart and being involved that the imagination transforms both."

From: Zimney, Mary E
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 11:34 PM
To: Thamert, Mark
Subject: 24. talismans

“Aureliano Segundo thought without saying so that the evil was not in the world but in some hidden place in the mysterious heart of Petra Cotes, where something happened during the deluge that had turned the animals sterile and made money scarce. Intrigued by that enigma, he dug so deeply into her sentiments that in search of interest he found love, because by trying to make her love him he ended up falling in love with her. Petra Cotes, for her part, loved him more and more as she felt his love increasing, and that was how in the ripeness of autumn she began to believe once more in the youthful superstition that poverty was the servitude of love.”

I love this quote for so many reasons. Aureliano Segundo’s actions fully embody the belief that you cannot make someone love you, only love and be someone who can be loved. I did not realize until after I had memorized and performed this talisman that I was not actually taking its advice. Without entering into too much detail, I can say that I am no longer dating my long-term boyfriend- however it is not entirely by my choice. After listening to these words, I realized that if I try to force the relationship and try to make him love me, it can never be true love and the relationship can never be what I am trying to force it to be.

The reason I actually chose this talisman is because the words, “poverty was the servitude of love,” kept popping into my mind. Whether I was writing a paper for another class or talking with friends about boys, the phrase was so poetic and applicable. This quote is found in 100 Years of Solitude while the two lovers are lying in bed, realizing they have lost their beauty, their youth, their friends and their money. This image of the lovers in bed, who have endured so much and experienced such extreme polar emotions but feel their love so strongly, continues to float into my mind regularly. The couple proves that when we have nothing, all we really have is love.

“Space, like time, gives birth to forgetfulness, but does so by removing an individual from all relationships and placing him in a free and pristine state—indeed, in but a moment it can turn a pedant and philistine into something like a vagabond. Time, they say, is water from the river Lethe, but alien air is a similar drink; and if its effects are less profound, it works all the more quickly.”

I chose this talisman because of how it applied to me at the time. While I am trying to move on, the faces and scenes I see keep pulling me into the past. I cannot help but feel the desire to revert and cling to old memories. In my emotional state, I feel a hunger for a change, not only in lifestyle, but environment. This quote seems to offer a negative view of the powers of time: “giv[ing] birth to forgetfulness,” “turn[ing] a pedant and a philistine into something like a vagabond.” Yet, I feel that while we must cherish our memories and learn from our experiences, there is value in losing ourselves. There is a value in being drunk in the drink of alien air. There is a value in relearning all we know and starting over and working from the bottom up.

“Love is never any better than the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly, but the love of a free man is never safe. There is no gift for the beloved. The lover alone possesses his gift of love. The loved is shorn, neutralized, frozen in the glare of the lover’s inward eye.”